I Keep Trying

It seems nearly impossible for me to break whatever innate behavioral programming “most people” hold. An uphill battle to even garner a conversation. See? I already seem like I’m negative and whining with an intro like this. I’m an optimist and idealist, this is why I keep trying. To break through, to reach somebody willing to engage in one. single. conversation.

I cannot possibly address everything, nobody would read all those words. Either I find somebody open-minded enough to want to talk, or I don’t. I recognize the odds are severely stacked against me. I’ve gone up against this before. Everywhere. All the time. If I thought like everybody else in the world, I wouldn’t be needed. If every social program or economic revitalization worked, poverty would already be solved. Clearly that isn’t the case. How does one fight the status quo? How could I possibly appeal to your own personal ambitions if I don’t know what they are?

I’m ready to move on from trying to engage in dialogue with Saipan and the CNMI. Momentum is waning and I see the law of diminishing returns already setting in. I’m offering whatever I can, to dedicate myself and my life, work tirelessly, with integrity. And… for almost nothing in return. Seriously. Just an opportunity. Because I want to help do something amazing. Different. Unique. Impactful. I know what my “market value” should be. I also know that I don’t care, and that I’m too desperate – or motivated – to care.

I’m living 20% below the federally-defined poverty line. LOL. All because people are so willing to judge me rather than listen or talk with me, incapable of seeing what I am. Looking at me and treating me like I’m not even human. It’s not like I’m deformed or dumb or rude. Confirmation bias: people see & hear what they want to. I don’t prioritize wealth, so this part is easy. I know that makes people feel uneasy, skeptical, dubious… that I could possibly be what I claim. Yeah, I’m more open and honest than I should be, I know. It’s a fault of mine.

Have I scared you away? Okay, just another ‘filter.’ Rest easy, others are just like this, too. Preconceived judgments are tough to break. Chances are you would not be the open-mind leader I seek. The one reading my words, valuing my thoughts, recognizing my value. Okay.

Is it that hard to believe somebody wants to do good? Push them out, dismiss them, ignore them, must be crazy. Gosh, what does that say about our world and our society as a whole?

Whatever, you’re seeking to accomplish… I’m offering help and support. I could post links for hundreds of business models, books, resources, white papers, research studies, statistics, and other data. The fact is, if one hasn’t already sought them out on one’s own, why would one bother to read tens of thousands of pages for thousands of hours? Just because I post some link? Hardly. Why not get me involved, with all that I wish to offer? My knowledge, experience, exposure, interests, and ideas? What would it cost?

That there might be the issue? Guess what?

I’m ONLY available because I’ve suffered from terrible loss, pain, suffering, and trauma. I wasn’t contacting the CNMI when I was making $80K in my mid-20’s. Or when I worked for the biggest fashion designers. Or after I established my professional photography business and charged up to $1600 for a single pet portrait. Or when I sold my oil painted canvases for $1500-2500 each. Or when I had my own business with clients as big as The Museum of Natural History in New York, Monterey Bay Aquarium, and SF Jazz.

No. I’m contacting you NOW. Because all of that is gone.

My loss could turn into something beneficial for some community willing to try. Wanting improvements and innovation. Any community leader, politician, or nonprofit/NGO/agency has the ability to help allow me to transform my current life from hardship into something beneficial. All it takes is giving me a chance to help the world. Sadly, I know… Most are too judgmental of my circumstance– or offer– to even bother. Life goes on. So do the world’s problems and biggest issues…

Soon, I’ll be forced to seek other communities. The five weeks of intensive, exclusive research I’ve done into the CNMI will be in my rearview as I look towards dozens of other impoverished communities possibly willing to consider my offer to help. I’ll bet it will be the same process I’ve faced before. Pretty much nothing. I’d be willing to bet that the first city, the first leaders to contact me will be where I’d move to. I really don’t care where. I just want the challenge of helping to solve the most difficult issues. I know I can contribute something. I’d prefer Saipan and the CNMI. But it doesn’t really matter. I’m going wherever I’d be valued and able to participate. Detroit, El Paso, Camden, East St. Louis, Albuquerque, Philadephia, Flint, Baltimore, Louisiana, Georgia, North Carolina…

I would look forward to starting a dialogue. Sincerely,

david @ soju . org